i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
