I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
