do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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