That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
