thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
