i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
