You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
