Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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