The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize