Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
