I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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