apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
