well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
