I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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