You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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