I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize