It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my being single is dangerous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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