I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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