At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
