1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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