i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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