fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
