Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
