Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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