I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
