jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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