Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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