I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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