Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
