well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
