He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
4 words: hood of his car
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
