in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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