I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
