Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Acid is not a monday night drug
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
