I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
NoShamevember. You game?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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