I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
