Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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