last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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