Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
