I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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