I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I pour the whiskey from now on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
