Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
