...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Houston, we have a squirter
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
