A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
