Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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