I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We named our party play list daddy issues
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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