Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
