wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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