I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
