and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
