Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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