is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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