it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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