When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
