just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
