I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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