And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave