If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
