It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
