Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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(623): View more from Arizona

My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.

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(727): View more from Florida

She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.

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(714): View more from California

At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave

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