I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.