I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'