I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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