I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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