Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
