I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
