It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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