is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
