His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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