I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
