Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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