Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
