Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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