I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
