if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
