I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
