do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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