at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
