You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
